love and marrige

when he died i never expected to be the mom in the family. i knew that for a period of time id have to be the strong one. the one that was "there" for everyone, but i didnt know the roles would change so much. i was there and it was akward. he started to mumble something about how much he cared about my mom and something about a ring and my blessing. i gave it with tears not of joy but of pain. the vivid memory of my father flashed before my eyes. i found the fastest way out of there. and i as i drove home i cried. really cried...much more than i have in sometime. somewhere in my head i kept thinking how obnoxious there new love was and how unfair it was. it may very well be selfish but i was being honest. why was it that i would have to not only watch all my friends marry off one by one but my own mom. when does it get ever get good for me? when do i get to share my happy life with someone else? when do i get past the " just make it through this stage".