the redeffinition of family

i woke up early yesterday morning. put on my hat, scarf, and favorite hoodie stepped out the the door into the late november chill. i stopped by starbucks and then decided to go out and buy a christmas tree and all the trim. i debated decorating for christmas at all with michele moving out it would be just me in the apartment and seemed almost redicoulous to go all out just for me . but after a mental debate with the questions of being alone for the rest of my life and the vow to myself of not living like half a person because of a lack of significant other i went out and bought all the fixins. i went home and decked out the house. it is beautiful and warm and feels like something out of a movie. this year has been wierd for me. with mom remarrying and the third anniversary of dads death i feel like my family is redefining itself and its akward and hard and a little painful. ron moved in to moms the week before thanksgiving on thanksgiving day julie and i went over to moms as we do every holiday and rons parents came down. there is always an uneasiness in the house now as if we are always in the presence of a stranger. the sentiment was even more apparent with rons parents there. old people can be difficult sometimes.they fight, the repeat themselves alot, and often say innapropriate things. when they are your grandparents you have patience for them. they are family and there is something endeering about there somewhat senial ways. but when they are not family it grates on your nerves and you are always unsure of what to say, and always seconds from telling them to "shut the hell up". maybe things would be different if i were at a different place in life. if i were married or had kids the deffintion of family wouldnt lie soley on my sister and mom. possibly it be easier to except my moms deep desire not be alone if i were myself not alone. myabe...but then again maybe not.