mental movies when memories fail

i stopped to get some coffee at starbucks on the way. if i was going that way it would take a bit longer . it was ok. it was sunday and i had nowhere to be in a hurry. as i drove down main st. i came up on it. the cemetary i havent been too in some time. i used to go quite often after he died. important days like fathers day, his birthday, his and moms anniversary ect. but since i moved to grandview i hadnt gotten out there for a while. as the cemetary approached i decided to turn in. when i got out and walked over to his grave i stood there for a few minutes feeling the biting cold of the pre thanksgiving damp november chill. i reached down and swept away the leaves that had gathered on his gravestone. almost as if it was methodical tradition i ran my finger over the etching in the stone....letting my fingers slowly spell out G-R-A-N-G-E-R. I made a mental note of how the grass still growing in looked so different from the rest of the grass around me and how much it looked like the grass at our old house. as if he had it transplanted soley for his plot. standing there i began to cry . i began to vocalizethe feelings of mom remarrying and all the buzz around the house with ron moving in and the coming holiday and stepsisters and new last names and his picture replacing dads on the tv. and then i became silent. and cried. i was mad...that i as well as everyone else was beginning to forget dad. i was losing the memories. they were becoming more and more distant. i sat his grave for a moment longer. gathered my thoughts and made my way over to moms. that night at joshua house i sat through a fairly boring sermon. as we got up to pray at the end a wave washed over me. memories of my dad drinking coffee out on the porch, laying on the floor playing ball with the dog, sitting in his chair waving at me, riding the lawnmower, and cooking dinner. after the prayer was over i thanked God for mental movies when memories fail.