the move

i took one last look around. my last year and a half. i had made it on my own. it scared the hell out of me to do this alone and be sure that i could make it. but i did...i was broke more often than i had money but i did it. i was self sustaining. the chapter ends. flip the page and i find myself back in pickerington, in my old room, with my old view, in the house that was home for so many years. its changed but so have i. it is a stopping off point for me...the land between here and there. for a moment i feel like im 18 again, but i look in the mirror and see that almost eight years have passed through me. my face has aged. i am an adult. i have carried the weight of my twenties on my back and have come out wiser and sometimes stronger. i still have growing to do; bad habits to quit, responsibilities to better manage, maturity to acquire. i have come to realize that there is a lot of me that i will never grow out of. there were things i did at 18 i thought i did because i was young and it was a phase that i would eventually grow out of. i think there is a part of me that will always bear some of those youthful isms....and im ok with that. im not sure i ever fully want to be an adult. i may never have a five year plan. i may never opt for stability over adventure. i may never follow the course others find natural. i may never be professional enough, and im not sure thats such a bad thing. i am me and ive come to realize that i will never be "normal". i have also come to realize that i just dont give a shit. this is who i am. i will change because that what we do but i dont expect to ever look like what they think i should.